Psalm 56:8

A dear friend shared this beautiful painting with me a few weeks ago.  I was in awe, and I just couldn't believe the talent this young lady had.  She has lived through so much heartache in her life, yet always comes out on top, with a smile on her face.  The scripture reads.... "You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book." This picture represents everything this verse says....  It touched me, and I'm so grateful she shared it with me.

We have all experienced heartache before...  big and small.  We have all experienced loosing a loved one, we have experienced a loved one dealing with sickness, we have experienced so many things big and small that are so hard to comprehend.  It's easy for us to question God, why things happen.  Why are people taken from us so soon, why are people dealing with sickness and cancer, why do people do hateful things to others?   We have experienced so much within our city over the past few weeks... it makes you question.  A friend of mine, lost her father in law to a hurtful and horrible crime.  It makes me scared for our city, our world, our country we live in.  We're raising our kids in this world... we have to protect them!  I have been emotional the past few weeks, thinking about these harmful acts, and it's hard to get out of the "rut" as they say, and push forward.

You see... as this verse says, "God keeps up with all of our sorrows."  He knows the sorrows we will all have.  He knows it's coming, sometimes before we do.  Aren't we glad, we don't have to worry about that?  I know sometimes, we all want to be in control of everything... but goodness... I'm thankful I'm not.  The verse goes onto to say, "You have collected all my tears in your bottle."  I'm sure my jug is overflowing!!  I was going through a rough patch a few weeks ago, crying over spilled milk.  Breaking down in bible study class, breaking down over songs, breaking down over my kids not giving me a moment to breathe.  I've picked myself up and have learned from it  ( I think).  "You have recorded each one in your book".  This you can interpret anyway you like.  I'm so grateful God has written my story, and knows the todays, the tomorrows, the next years, and my eternal life. 

I found comfort in this drawing and in this verse.  I am not alone... even on those days, when I feel like I am.  My husband is not alone, even though he on the other side of the globe.  We always have someone we can lean on... and I'm ever grateful for that.  I just had to share this picture with you, and this scripture.  We are never alone mamas!  Military wives, we are never alone.... God's got this!  Your tears, your sorrows, everything!  Carry on...  it's all going to be ok!

Stages of Deployment

If you are a military spouse, you have either already dealt with a deployment, or will one day be dealing with one.  It's truly sad the world we live in, but it's inevitable that your husband's time will come.  It's never easy to prepare for, or live through a deployment.  You try your hardest to stand tall, and trudge through the days, but as everything else, some days are easier than others.

There are "stages" as they call it, during a deployment... I have hit the "second stage".  See the first stage, is learning about the deployment.  We actually learned far in advance with this one.  I'm not sure if it makes things easier, or more bearable, it's all just very hard.  I'm sure I was very clingy with by husband and wanted him all to myself.  Yet, he still had work to do, and a job that required him working long hours.  Our kids needed him, and he needed them.  It's hard to find that balance. 

I know he could hear the panic in my voice, as we would prepare needed documents.  Have you ever prepared a Will?  Have you ever talked to your husband about who would take care of your kids, in an event something happened to you and him both?  That is a lot to swallow.  We did this two years ago, with his last deployment... but you always have to adjust these papers.  You know in your heart NOTHING will happen to your husband (or you), but it's important to have these papers for your kids. 

As time grew near, I almost wanted him to just hurry and leave.  I know this sounds odd, but the waiting around is so very hard.  You just know in your heart, the sooner they leave, the sooner they will return.

Second Stage - I am at this stage.  The day he left was very hard, it was hard on him, me, the kids.  It's an emotional time saying goodbye to your spouse knowing you won't see him for several more months.  You look back that last time at the airport to catch that glimpse of him walking through security.  You hold it together ( as much as you can), in front of him, but completely loose it when he is out of your sight.  Your kids loose it, you have to juggle carrying two kids to the car, who are sobbing, as you are sobbing too.  You tell the kids it's ok to cry, and you pray to God, that HE will help you get though this.  You also tell yourself that God WILL keep him safe, and out of harms way.  You find peace that it's out of your hands... but you still want to be in control.

During this time, your life is a complete roller-coaster.  You are happy one day, sad the next.  You are watching the days past quickly, than the weekend hits and days start to slow.  You have trouble sleeping, and begin to let your anxiety get the best of you.  I was hoping this wouldn't happen to me, surviving many other times my husband has been away.. but it does.  You decide to let the kids sleep with you, just for peace of mind (and cuddles).  It's just easier that way. 

I had a complete ugly cry last night.  I had not cried really hard since he left, until last night.  Not sure if I was just completely worn out from a busy week, not sure if it was just late.... who knows. It's hard to be strong all the time, and sometimes a good cry is all you can do.  Thankful the kids were resting easy, in our bed.  Sophi always asks me if she can see my eyes.  She worries about me I think.  If I ever get tearied eyes, she comes and hugs me and says, "Mama, look at my eyes."  She cries, if I cry.  I can't stand to see our kids cry.  I guess she doesn't like to see mama cry. 

This morning I woke, with a new day, and the hopes I would keep my emotions in check.  Well, I messed up and watched parts of Dear John..... DON'T do this, when you have a husband deployed.  What in the world was I thinking.  Anyway, it's been a few emotional days the past few nights.... I'm entitled to it, I guess.  It's important to give yourself grace and tell yourself, this too shall pass. 

Third Stage - We're not quite here yet.. but this is the stage that you are in such a routine, and you are able to carry on the daily tasks without blinking an eye.  This is the stage when people ask how you are holding up, and you say, "Oh, we're great," and the person looking at you is thinking.... really, seriously?   I'm not sure if you just mask everything because you know you have to get through it... or maybe God just gives us the strength to carry on.  We are getting to this stage...  we're in somewhat of a routine, I just have to remember to not cram so much in during a week, where I get physically exhausted.  This 41 year old, can't carry on like I used to.  The kids need me at 100%, so I have to remind myself of this. 

Fourth and Final Stage - Last Month of Deployment....  stay tuned!!  :)

So I ask for you all to pray this and remember this scripture..  Joshua 1:9 – This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.  

I will be strong, even though I might be completely falling apart inside.  I will not be discouraged, because I know our God above will look after my husband and our family.  Love this scripture because I know I am not alone... HE will carry us through. 

Sick Day Survival Tips

Well, last weekend we were all a little under the weather.  Sophi had her "monthly fever", which only lasted 24 hours- PRAISE GOD.  Liam's allergies have been bothering him, and I was feeling crummy.  When you have sick kids, or when you aren't feeling well, life stinks!   Knowing good and well, when we are sick, it's God's way of telling us we need to slow down.   I often still want to throw my hands up in the air and blame someone.  When hubby is traveling..... I naturally blame the military.  I don't blame him, personally,  it's clearly not his fault he has to travel all the time... I do however blame the military.  Is this fair, no!  Do I support his job, of course I do.  Does it make things challenging when he's out of country.... you better believe it!

After being married 16 + years, to someone who has either been in the military or has done contracting overseas..... you learn to cope and survive.  Being away from family is hard, not having your mom or siblings to call on, is hard.  But somehow, God always gives me the strength to carry on and push through.  It breaks my heart when hubby texts me, apologizing for not being able to be home.  That little text saying, "Hang in there baby, I'm so sorry I'm  not there".  It's all I can do, to keep myself from jumping through the phone to pull him through... but know I can't.  I try to put on a strong face for him, but I'm human and crumble sometimes.  God bless my husband!  He works so hard, and sacrifices so much.. I can't say enough how much love and gratitude I have for him.

After all this rambling, I felt the need to post some survival tips I have learned over the years.  I know some of these might sound crazy or dumb.... but again... until walking in a military spouse's shoes, you can't judge :)  Yes, lots of men work long hours, lots or men travel.... but when your spouse is away in a "high threat area" for months upon months, you learn to lean on others. 


1) Rely on your faith... HE always gets you through!
2) Have a list of neighbor's phone numbers on speed dial.
3) Have a few babysitters lined up (always)
4) Always stock kid's Motrin..... NEVER, NEVER run out of this!
5) Always stock Gatorade, sprite, crackers, popsicles, and chicken noodle soup.  (Thank you Karen for helping me out with Sprite and tea this time).
6) Always have cash, for those neighbors that might have to do a Kroger run for you.
7) Always have gas in your car!  Never let it go below 1/4 tank.
8) Always have Clorox wipes, Lysol, and toilet paper!
9) Find a Doctor's office who is nearby.  After hours is must! 
10) Always have laundry detergent!  Always!!  When the stomach bug hits, you don't want to run out of this!
11) Don't take your "well days" for granted.  What I mean by this, if you feel like just having a lazy day while the kids are at preschool... DON'T!  Make sure all the birthday presents are bought for upcoming parties, make sure your refrigerator is stocked, make sure errands are run.  I've learned the hard way too many times, not doing this and it has caught up with me.  I'm a organizer and a doer...  I love to help others, love to be a room mom for the kid's class.  While doing this, I know people get sick of me "planning" things far out in advance.  Well guys, again,  I can't wait until the last minute to do things, because when you do... guess what.... A kid will get sick, you will get sick...  just not worth it.
12)  Give yourself GRACE!  You will get through this, you will survive, and everyone will feel better!!  Lots of snuggles, IPAD time if need be, videos for the kids... yes, it's called the survival game. 
13) Pay for Amazon Prime... you will thank me later!
14) ASK FOR HELP!!  It has taken me many years to finally do this.  It's ok to ask for help, we all need it from time to time. 

Those are my little tips for the day... hope you found a little humor in this post, but also hope you found some helpful ideas.  Not only does this apply to military mom's but any mom out there!  Please feel free to add to it, if you like.  We can all learn from others!!  This list is ongoing by the way....