Well, we're down two weeks!! I love receiving text from my husband reminding me of this. This week started off a little challenging. Liam has been having a hard time, not wanting to go to church, not wanting to go to school. He wants to just lay low in the house, and do nothing. He's been acting out more than usual as well. Daddy and I decided it would be best to start face timing in the morning to jump start the kid's day. That seemed to have done the trick. Our week picked up, and the kids didn't skip a beat.
Not sure why I wanted to title this blog entry perspective, it's the first word that came to mind. Perspective - a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view. I've run across so many things this week, in our house and outside our house that brings this word to mind.
Finding daddy's t-shirt at the bottom of a laundry basket.... I usually hate putting away clothes... yet, when I come across a t-shirt that belongs to daddy, who is not here right now, I feel a smile run across my face. I decided to leave the shirt there, folded nicely at the bottom of the basket... for next time I put my laundered clothes away I will be reminded of his presence. I know crazy, but when your loved one is away for months on end... finding his laundry is uplifting!
Dog tags - Some might think of them as just a necklace with one's name on it. Well, when your son is having a hard time and doesn't want to go to school.... you put said "dog tags" around his neck, and you see his face light up. It's always connecting, when you see daddy's dog tags on face time, and than have your own set. Yes, he only wore them one day to school, but I think it helped him. BTW, shout out to the awesome teachers at BMK for helping my kids cope with his. A gentle text through the day, saying your son is fine puts this mom at ease! I thank you!
Cologne - An instant spray and the awesome smell of daddy is around us. Does wonders for a pick me up during a yucky day!
Mailbox - People don't send mail like they used too. I miss that! We live in such a busy world, that texting and emails are the way to go. But when you go to the mailbox and receive something so humbling, you forget how easy a little note can make you feel. Sophi received a grant to pay for ballet classes. Yeah, there were bills surrounding this big packet... but all that was irrelative to the package we received containing a congratulations letter. Thank you "Our Military Kids" for helping us pay for Sophi's ballet. We're awaiting another grant for Liam's karate class.
I mentioned texting in my previous post.. it's not a bad thing, it can be good. Running late to a bible study class, thinking about just detouring to the house so I can just spend some quiet time alone. But, receiving a text from a friend, who is in your bible study class telling you to breathe and that you are loved... is such a pick me up. So thankful for my bible study class... So thankful for the friends I have made through there, so thank for my prayer warriors on my side lifting me and my family up! I love you all!
Meals - I know strange I write this. Trying to tie it in to the word perspective. See, when hubby is away, I try not to ask for help... I want to handle things on my own, and not reach out. Well, I've learned over the past few months (or past year I should say), to let it go! When your dear friends in your neighborhood start up a meal plan to bring your meals.... it's humbling. My attitude about it at first was... NO WAY, PLEASE DON'T! I felt bad every time the doorbell rang and a friend's face had a hot meal in their hands. I had a good friend (well a few friends), remind me this is their way of showing their appreciation to hubby and us, for what we are going through. My attitude about it quickly changed, and I'm ever so grateful! We've received little "happies" left at our doorstep, the kids have received little toys to play with. Humbled!!
So yes... perspective. Next time you look at the basket full of clothes that need to be put away... think of how happy I get when I see a shirt that belongs to Ellis. When you see a kid wear a necklace, perhaps it might make him feel better. Cologne... oh this is my favorite!! Remember the scent that makes you happy, go buy a bottle and keep it near... it helps the days pass much better! Mailbox and bills... you never know when a little "pick me up" might bring you joy when walking to the mailbox. Texts.... tell someone you love them, check on people, tell them you are thinking about them. A little text goes a long way sometimes! Meals... grab a bag of popcorn to take to a neighbor (Thank you Walt and Karen), grab a bag of M&M's to stick in someone's mailbox.... they might just be showing their gratitude, and are just showing they love you and are thinking about you.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Saturday, January 16, 2016
A very challenging night
Today was a little quiet... quiet for all. We didn't really do much, had a lazy day as the kids call it. When it got to be bedtime, Sophi looked at me and asked me why I never cry. I was taken back, because I cry a lot... I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and am not afraid to hide it. I looked at her, and told her I do cry... I cry when I'm not feeling well, I cry when I miss daddy.... She said, "Well, you aren't crying now." I simply replied that I try to be strong, and don't want to cry in front of them. I told them I often have my quiet time when they go to bed, or in the shower. As soon as I said that... Liam started crying really hard. I sat down on the floor and held him, then my tears started flowing. Sophi, kept hiding her face and standing aside from us. I held Liam and asked him what was wrong. He told me he missed daddy, and wanted him home. I told him, I missed him too... very much. I assured him that daddy missed us too.. probably more than we miss him... and that he would be home "soon". Funny, in our language, we use the word "soon" knowing that really isn't the case.
Sophi saw the tears coming from my eyes, as I held Liam. She looked up at me and said, "Mom, you are crying!" I said yes... remember crying is healthy and its ok to cry. She held back tears and stood aside a little bit. I told her, sometimes its important to cry and hold each other. She came and sat in my lap and said, she was going to be strong this time and not cry. I assured her that would be ok. I can't imagine what is going on in these kid's minds.... last time daddy deployed they were 17 months old. They really didn't remember much. It's only been a week, and they are grasping it more than I thought.
We skipped baths, and got dressed. Liam asked to wear one of daddy's "army shirts." Sophi asked to wear daddy's "red shirt". For the longest I didn't even realize what she was referring too.. until we went into our room. You see... I always leave daddy's night clothes on our nightstand, when he goes out of town. I don't wash them, I leave them there, where he left them... until he comes back. Sophi wanted to snuggle with his red sweatshirt that was there. Easy fix... snuggling with items that belong to daddy are the best way to "have him here" when he is so far way. Liam carried his "special forces" book along side of him and we all got in bed. I prayed to God to let us all cry in times of loneliness, when we miss daddy. I also prayed for strength for us as well as daddy. I can't imagine how hard this is on him....
In closing..... I encourage you to cry, cry in front of your kids, hold them, listen to them... let them know its ok to show emotion. We're all human, and its ok to "break" every now and again.
Sophi saw the tears coming from my eyes, as I held Liam. She looked up at me and said, "Mom, you are crying!" I said yes... remember crying is healthy and its ok to cry. She held back tears and stood aside a little bit. I told her, sometimes its important to cry and hold each other. She came and sat in my lap and said, she was going to be strong this time and not cry. I assured her that would be ok. I can't imagine what is going on in these kid's minds.... last time daddy deployed they were 17 months old. They really didn't remember much. It's only been a week, and they are grasping it more than I thought.
We skipped baths, and got dressed. Liam asked to wear one of daddy's "army shirts." Sophi asked to wear daddy's "red shirt". For the longest I didn't even realize what she was referring too.. until we went into our room. You see... I always leave daddy's night clothes on our nightstand, when he goes out of town. I don't wash them, I leave them there, where he left them... until he comes back. Sophi wanted to snuggle with his red sweatshirt that was there. Easy fix... snuggling with items that belong to daddy are the best way to "have him here" when he is so far way. Liam carried his "special forces" book along side of him and we all got in bed. I prayed to God to let us all cry in times of loneliness, when we miss daddy. I also prayed for strength for us as well as daddy. I can't imagine how hard this is on him....
In closing..... I encourage you to cry, cry in front of your kids, hold them, listen to them... let them know its ok to show emotion. We're all human, and its ok to "break" every now and again.
Friday, January 8, 2016
Deployment Day January 8, 2016
January 8, 2016
Well, today we had to take daddy to the airport for another deployment. This is the second one in two years. People think, it might get easier to say your goodbyes, when your spouse is called to duty... let me tell you, as a military wife who has said MANY goodbyes, it doesn't. I cried all morning, as I watched him with the kids, showing them picture books of him, reminding them to mark the days, on the calendar as the days pass. I tried to hold my composure, because I know I have to be strong for my husband, but also for the kids, but it is very hard to do, and sometimes a good cry is all you can do.
We got to the airport and I met a few other spouses, and girlfriends... which I was happy about. See, when your husband is deployed you find unity among other spouses that are dealing with the same thing. Its not the same, as those friends who have "traveling husbands" or either those who " have survived a deployment." It just makes things somewhat bearable when you have someone who you know their loved one is WITH your loved one. As your husband starts to say his goodbyes, and your eyes start tearing up, you know the time has come. The kids cried, very hard! Liam lost it as soon as we left the airport, Sophi cried... would cry harder as Liam cried. I just began to cry with them. As a parent, you have to be able to cry in front of your kids.. if they don't see your emotion during difficult times, they won't know its ok to show emotions. I cranked up KLOVE, the local Christian station, and told them we would go get ice cream.
It's amazing what ice cream and sunshine can do for the soul. We sat outside, laughed, danced, pretended to talk to "daddy" in the empty seat. Praise God for sunshine today, I'm not sure I would have survived this, had it been cold, wet, and miserable. We got home, and started our routine. We played, looked at pictures, talked about where daddy was headed. Watched daddy's airplane on the "track a flight" website. How grateful I am for this website... I tell ya, its the little things guys. Feeling as if you know exactly where your husband is at all times! It gives me peace of mine... I need that during this time. I need lots of peace.
As we were getting ready for bed, the kids asked if they could sleep with me. I didn't hesitate one bit, and said absolutely. We read "Daddy's Book" full of his pictures.. and said our prayers. The kids snuggled with me and I prayed silently to God. Praying for strength for all of us... praying for peace, praying for endurance and safety for Ellis. God, thank you for watching over us, and protecting us. Thank you for watching over Ellis, as I know you will continue to do. Thank you for your understanding and your patience as I may question why this is happening. I praise you, and am thankful to you!
Some scriptures I found tonight... that I love.
Romans 12:12 – Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
Philippians 4:13 – For I can do everything through Christ, Who gives me strength.
Psalm 112:7 – They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
Isaiah 41:10 – Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand.
Psalm 16:8 – I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.
Well, today we had to take daddy to the airport for another deployment. This is the second one in two years. People think, it might get easier to say your goodbyes, when your spouse is called to duty... let me tell you, as a military wife who has said MANY goodbyes, it doesn't. I cried all morning, as I watched him with the kids, showing them picture books of him, reminding them to mark the days, on the calendar as the days pass. I tried to hold my composure, because I know I have to be strong for my husband, but also for the kids, but it is very hard to do, and sometimes a good cry is all you can do.
We got to the airport and I met a few other spouses, and girlfriends... which I was happy about. See, when your husband is deployed you find unity among other spouses that are dealing with the same thing. Its not the same, as those friends who have "traveling husbands" or either those who " have survived a deployment." It just makes things somewhat bearable when you have someone who you know their loved one is WITH your loved one. As your husband starts to say his goodbyes, and your eyes start tearing up, you know the time has come. The kids cried, very hard! Liam lost it as soon as we left the airport, Sophi cried... would cry harder as Liam cried. I just began to cry with them. As a parent, you have to be able to cry in front of your kids.. if they don't see your emotion during difficult times, they won't know its ok to show emotions. I cranked up KLOVE, the local Christian station, and told them we would go get ice cream.
It's amazing what ice cream and sunshine can do for the soul. We sat outside, laughed, danced, pretended to talk to "daddy" in the empty seat. Praise God for sunshine today, I'm not sure I would have survived this, had it been cold, wet, and miserable. We got home, and started our routine. We played, looked at pictures, talked about where daddy was headed. Watched daddy's airplane on the "track a flight" website. How grateful I am for this website... I tell ya, its the little things guys. Feeling as if you know exactly where your husband is at all times! It gives me peace of mine... I need that during this time. I need lots of peace.
As we were getting ready for bed, the kids asked if they could sleep with me. I didn't hesitate one bit, and said absolutely. We read "Daddy's Book" full of his pictures.. and said our prayers. The kids snuggled with me and I prayed silently to God. Praying for strength for all of us... praying for peace, praying for endurance and safety for Ellis. God, thank you for watching over us, and protecting us. Thank you for watching over Ellis, as I know you will continue to do. Thank you for your understanding and your patience as I may question why this is happening. I praise you, and am thankful to you!
Some scriptures I found tonight... that I love.
Romans 12:12 – Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
Philippians 4:13 – For I can do everything through Christ, Who gives me strength.
Psalm 112:7 – They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
Isaiah 41:10 – Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand.
Psalm 16:8 – I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.
Friday, January 1, 2016
One Week Before Deployment - Poem
It's about a week before deployment my stomach is in knots.
I know you're in God's hands, this I pray for daily and a lot.
Deployments are never easy, ask any military spouse you see.
If only I could take them all away, I would pay that hefty fee.
The anxious thoughts that cross my mind, are ones I wouldn't want to repeat.
I know my God almighty will rescue me and keep me mostly upbeat.
I hope this deployment will go by fast, I know you pray this too.
I pray protection over you - I know you pray this as others will also do.
Dear God protect our servicemen and women, bring them all home safe and sound.
We will all be waiting on you all, until the last flight is inbound.
I know you're in God's hands, this I pray for daily and a lot.
Deployments are never easy, ask any military spouse you see.
If only I could take them all away, I would pay that hefty fee.
The anxious thoughts that cross my mind, are ones I wouldn't want to repeat.
I know my God almighty will rescue me and keep me mostly upbeat.
I hope this deployment will go by fast, I know you pray this too.
I pray protection over you - I know you pray this as others will also do.
Dear God protect our servicemen and women, bring them all home safe and sound.
We will all be waiting on you all, until the last flight is inbound.
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