Today was a little quiet... quiet for all. We didn't really do much, had a lazy day as the kids call it. When it got to be bedtime, Sophi looked at me and asked me why I never cry. I was taken back, because I cry a lot... I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and am not afraid to hide it. I looked at her, and told her I do cry... I cry when I'm not feeling well, I cry when I miss daddy.... She said, "Well, you aren't crying now." I simply replied that I try to be strong, and don't want to cry in front of them. I told them I often have my quiet time when they go to bed, or in the shower. As soon as I said that... Liam started crying really hard. I sat down on the floor and held him, then my tears started flowing. Sophi, kept hiding her face and standing aside from us. I held Liam and asked him what was wrong. He told me he missed daddy, and wanted him home. I told him, I missed him too... very much. I assured him that daddy missed us too.. probably more than we miss him... and that he would be home "soon". Funny, in our language, we use the word "soon" knowing that really isn't the case.
Sophi saw the tears coming from my eyes, as I held Liam. She looked up at me and said, "Mom, you are crying!" I said yes... remember crying is healthy and its ok to cry. She held back tears and stood aside a little bit. I told her, sometimes its important to cry and hold each other. She came and sat in my lap and said, she was going to be strong this time and not cry. I assured her that would be ok. I can't imagine what is going on in these kid's minds.... last time daddy deployed they were 17 months old. They really didn't remember much. It's only been a week, and they are grasping it more than I thought.
We skipped baths, and got dressed. Liam asked to wear one of daddy's "army shirts." Sophi asked to wear daddy's "red shirt". For the longest I didn't even realize what she was referring too.. until we went into our room. You see... I always leave daddy's night clothes on our nightstand, when he goes out of town. I don't wash them, I leave them there, where he left them... until he comes back. Sophi wanted to snuggle with his red sweatshirt that was there. Easy fix... snuggling with items that belong to daddy are the best way to "have him here" when he is so far way. Liam carried his "special forces" book along side of him and we all got in bed. I prayed to God to let us all cry in times of loneliness, when we miss daddy. I also prayed for strength for us as well as daddy. I can't imagine how hard this is on him....
In closing..... I encourage you to cry, cry in front of your kids, hold them, listen to them... let them know its ok to show emotion. We're all human, and its ok to "break" every now and again.
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